First Blog Ever!!!

Hello all!

So this is going to be my very first blog ever online. :) I'm not too sure how it'll all work out so far, but we'll take it slow and see how things work out.

Usually if I write anything at all, I write it in a notebook or a scrap piece of paper that no one ever reads, but this will be a little different if I have people that I haven't even met reading my blogs. :) Not like that's a bad thing.

So what should I talk about first? I'm not really sure what would be interesting for other people to read, so should I just ramble like I normally do, or talk about things going on in school or my personal life? Personal goals in life? Personal achievements? Basically a whole bunch of things that are personal! :)

I guess I'll start with school. Things are okay, I spose. My grades aren't suffering anywhere majorly and I have all A's and B's. :) I hope to pass all my finals that will be coming up in a couple weeks here. More like next week, but I guess all things can come out a little different than expected. It's my junior year in high school, and as a junior it's pretty weird to think that I'll be a senior next year. Bossing other kids around and saying "Left!" as we march in the band. So fun! :)

As for my personal life...it's been a pretty long and bumpy rollercoaster for a while now. I'm not quite sure where things are going at the moment, and I'm not exactly pleased with some of the decisions I've made. I can only pray that God will give me the wisdom to choose what is right for me and help me make the right decisions as they come up in these next few months. As no one that I know will probably ever see this, I guess it's safe to tell you. I recently broke up with my boyfriend that I'd been dating for the past two years. I thought things were going well, until he suddenly decided to end things. I guess in a way it was a good and a bad thing. It made my realize some things that I hadn't realized before, but also made me see some parts of myself that I had wanted to deny before.

I am strong, and I've gotten through it all, but things are so confusing for me right now. We still have feelings for each other, and had given it a second try, but he dumped me again after the second week or so. It was gut wrenching to say the least. He had become my world over the past two years, and I guess I let him control me a little too much with what I said and did. Nothing major, but still, it impacted some of the things I wanted to do with my life.

We still talk and have "secretly" dated for a couple weeks, but nothing is really definite as to if we're a known couple or not. But I guess the real question is what does he feel for me?

After we broke up he was already talking to this other girl and even admitted to me and other people that he liked her. He tried to give her a love plea to go out with him but she turned him down. She was already trying to date her ex-boyfriend, and not to my surprise, I found out she was pregnant. Hah, I couldn't help but laugh. My ex took it upon himself to be a douche to both of them after realizing how stupid she was and how dumb and idiotic her boyfriend was and allegedly ended his association with her.

So, we started talking and what not, and decided to secretly date. But things haven't really been made official as to what's going on between us. He says I deserve someone better. I, of course, know that. Not in any kind of stuck up way, but after everything he's put me through, I do know that. I can't help that I fell for him. And he knows that too.

But then I hear that he was talking to her again and what not. Then the other day he tells me she's in the hospital because she was having pretty bad pains. Is it bad that that made me just a little bit happy? I don't wish bad things on people at all, but with all the slutty things she's been doing, it's really her fault. Don't smoke, do drugs, or drink, and you won't face the consequences. I don't know if she actually did any of those things, but I can guess it from how she acts and who her parents are.

He even told me that he was glad the baby was okay, but he was still worried about her. This kind of irked me a bit considering the relationship between us. Would you ever want to hear from an ex how concerned he was about another girl? I didn't think so.

So, to say the least, things are kinda crazy with me right now. I'm so glad that school is almost over in 8 days, but it couldn't go fast enough!! I need to get out of that school and away from all these people that I seriously don't want to see or hear about anymore.

I can't really say how I feel about everything, but I know that I'm tired and ready for a looooooong vacation away from here. I need to get out of South Bend and vacation on a nice, hot beach with a light breeze and a cute guy that will melt my heart.

That brings me to say...I still find myself daydreaming about cute celebrities that I know I'll probably never meet. Never hurt a girl to dream, right? Taylor Lautner and Nick Jonas are at the top of my daydream list right now. I really wish I could meet them. I admire so many things about each one of them.

In the mean time, I'll still be here trying to figure out what I want to do in life and enjoy my upcoming summer.

I guess I've done just about all the ranting that I need for tonight, so I won't make you read this any more, unless you stopped reading at, hello...lol.

Until next time,
Rachel Vi